A Fresh Start

I’ll add names here as I use them (as long as I remember). In case you hadn’t realised, this is mostly for my benefit rather than yours!

Tall Andy’s Happy Throng

Tall Andy

Newly wed to the lovely Kitten, Tall Andy and I have formed a formidable double act since I moved to Norfolk. Once claimed to be 6′9″ tall.

Mr Hassle a.k.a. “Susan”

Assigned to work with Tall Andy and I on a temporary basis - but that was 18 months ago - Mr Hassle’s help is very much appreciated. Has the habit of ringing us up to talk to us … not for a conversation.

Chorlton/Splodger

A recent(ish) addition to the dynamic double-act that is myself and Tall Andy. Nicknamed, on very tenuous grounds, after a children’s TV show.

Leah

Joined us just before Christmas 2005, adding a feminine touch to the team. Older than I thought, much to her amusement.

Joseph

Had the chance to escape the Evil Overlord but inexplicably accepted Tall Andy’s offer to going the Throng. Has a wonderful collection of colourful shirts.

Les

Appalling dress sense - yes, even worse than mine! Works in the Big City with Fred.

Fred

Works with Les in the Big City.

Nervous Dick Oliver, temporary colleague

Only with us until July. It seems that any sort of thought literally brings him out in a cold sweat.

Other colleagues

Flash

He generally leaves us to our own devices, which suits me just fine.

Kirby

Also into model railways. One of those people who knows about everything, or so he tries to imply.

Nigel

My department’s New Glorious Leader (= NGL = NiGeL, you see). Replaced Norman.

Sticky

A colleague famed for many things, some of which may be mentioned at some stage. Also wanted out in 2005 Restructure II (or is it III?). Went round the world with Twiggy.

Stubby

Works in another team within my department. Nice girl. We have somehow developed a running gag about our eloping together. I’m not 100% sure how … and don’t think her boyfriend would approve.

Tippler

An appropriate moniker on two counts, based on his build - so similar to my own - and his fondness for a tipple or two.

Twiggy

Went around the world with Sticky. Built like a twig.

Shandy

A young lady who is, unfortunately, besotted with me. Rings me up from Sri Lanka just for a chat. Far, far, far too young for me.

Brownie

A newcomer to the legions of the Evil Overlords, she’s going through what she describes as “a steep learning curve”. I describe it as “asking lots of irritating questions.”

Former colleagues

Kylie

Kylie’s was our director briefly. She may not be petite, nor a good singer (though she may well be for all I know) but she is Australian. I’m inventive with these pseudonyms, aren’t I?

Lola

Used to sit alongside Tall Andy and I. Was given a job working with us in a reshuffle so promptly looked for (and got) a job in another department. Has told me I am too old for her.

Norman

Former department boss. Took the money at the last re-shuffle. Refused to do my garden while he was off on ‘gardening leave’.

Smittee, an unfortunate target of my affections

Far too young for me, more’s the pity. Agreed to go out for a meal with me if I get my weight down to 11 stone. I think she’s safe (and lovely).

Space Cadet formerly known as Monkey

A “proper” temporary colleague, he spent the summer of 2005 working with Tall Andy. As Anni would say, “he is a good monekke, got to keep him fedd”. Worryingly, I found myself calling him “Boy” (as in “What are you up to now, Boy?”. Fortunately, he seems to find it amusing. [Update: In view of his astrophysical qualifications, he’s been rebranded.]. Now studying doomsday devices at Southampton Uni.

The Dumpling Sisters

Named after a memorable Christmas meal at which they’d both opted for low-cut tops, Kristie and Maneater are the Dumpling Sisters.

Kedgeree, temporary colleague

Works with Mr Hassle at the seaside. A very attractive young lady of Portuguese/Indian extraction. A fellow veggie and is always strangely keen for me to tag along on nights out in Norwich. Clearly smitten with me.

Wispa, temporary colleague

My new monekke. Doesn’t speak loudly enough for me to hear.

Other young ladies

Emma

Works at travel agency I’ve used for my recent trips so, by definition, is a bit of a muppet. I first encountered her as Trainee Emma and I’m amazed she’s now just “Emma” (or “Emmafromthomascookinnorwich” if she’s leaving phone messages).

Lauren

Also works at travel agency I’ve used for my recent trips so, by definition, is a bit of a muppet.

Scantily Clad Girl

A young lady who, when I first started commuting, was noticable for her choice of attire. She’s calmed down (and covered up) since falling into the clutches of the Evil Overlords, poor thing. Likes her music (bops along to her iPod while waiting for the train).

Family and other animals

Misty

Stupid cat, now sleeping on a permanent basis.

Wuglums

Wuglums is likely to feature quite regularly here if only due to the filial connection. Is that the right word? Hmm.

Real people

Carlos

American modeller and supreme layout designer.

CC

Canadian modeller and accessory manufacturer. Also a bit of a car nut (hence the pseudonym).

Sick and Mandy

My neighbours. Mandy cares for Misty while I’m away in return for a few postcards for Sick’s collection.

At the dentist

Kiki

Also known as “Pillows” for her apparent habit of pressing her chest against my head ‘accidentally’ during treatment.

Angry Assistant

Kiki’s little helper. Does a mean line in telling off patients.

Boss Lady

Kiki’s boss. Does the tricky stuff (presumably because it pays very, very well).

Tizzy

Not-very-well-travelled assistant to Boss Lady. Claims she’s never even been to Suffolk!

The Cleavage Sisters

Receptionists at the dentist’s surgery. Named after … well, you can guess.

Sh____ Cleavage

A Namibian dental student who’s not acclimatising well to Norfolk’s winter. Wannabe traveller.