A Fresh Start

I went to Tesco’s yesterday. Tesco’s on Pension Day? Never again!

There were two types of elderly shoppers: dithering couples whose idea of shopping seemed to involve leaving their trolleys parked diagonally across the centre of the aisles while they bickered about whether or not he prefers country vegetable or mixed vegetable soup and those who seem to believe that it’s more efficient to abandon their trolleys and wander the store collecting items to fill it - either that or they’d all gone to pick up a packet of crumpets and then forgotten where their trolley was - there must have been at least a dozen Marie Celestes drifting, iceberg-like, with nobody at the helm.

I wasn’t the only one there under 70, though. At least one young lady was shopping and hadn’t thought things through. She’d picked up a frilly pink thong, possibly for a Special Event she has planned. Her other mistake was to hava the item on its hanger across “her” end of the trolley as she wandered around the store. What this meant was that when she turned into my aisle, I was faced with a fully clothed young lady with what appeared to be her underwear on over her jeans. My double take and smirk must have been fairly obvious as she looked puzzled for a moment, glanced down, realised her mistake and quickly stuffed the thong under other purchases before hurrying away from the Strange Man. I’ll admit to having a brief snigger at this point.

…

Misty was insistent that she wanted to stay in the bath when I went up to bed last night. This is beginning to worry me but I left her there on the basis that if she’s happy she’d be better off there … plus the fact that any “accidents” will be easier to clean up.

I was woken at ten past four, though, by a cat licking my nose. Still half asleep, I opened my eyes to see her staring at me just three inches away. I think my yell took her a little by surprise and she fled back downstairs (to the bath) having added a couple of new words to her vocabulary.

…

Into the Big City this morning for a 9am date with Boss Lady and Kizzy. Just a quickie today, to check that the rawl plugs were still in place - I was a little concerned when Boss Lady asked me “Which one did we fit on Saturday?” but I suppose that’s a good sign. No news on whether Boss Lady and the Professor had persuaded Kizzy that she needs an Older Man but she did greet me with a friendly smile and wave - but then again, so did Sh____ Cleavage. Can I help it if I’m irresistible?

As I left I gave Tall Andy a call - he’s off work today as he’s off to London to see Lee Evans on stage tonight. We wandered around the city, chatting away and window shopping for a gift for Kitten (won’t say what in case she reads this) and Secret Satan Santa gift ideas. He, now, can bear witness to the service I routinely get in shops. We went into Jessops as I wanted to get a spare battery for the new camera. The clearly new member of staff is, equally clearly, driving the shop manager to distraction. She tried to talk him through looking up the information on their computer but he seemed unable to wait to be talked through the screens and seemed to be pressing buttons at random. When she sent him off to get a P850 out of stock I asked “You’ve just sent him away before you slap him, haven’t you?” and she didn’t deny this. They didn’t have any suitable batteries in stock but told me one of their other stores in the city did have, so Buffoon Boy wrote down the part number for me.

“Ring them first to make sure they have got one in stock.” the manageress suggested.

“Ring who?”

“The other shop.”

“Oh. How?”

She handed him the phone and I handed back the piece of paper with the reference number. Nobody was answering the phone so, after a couple of minutes I told him “It’s ok - I’ll be going past there anyway so I’ll just go in.”

“Oh, ok.”

I waited.

“Is that the piece of paper with the reference number that you’re scrunching up in your hand?”

“No, you’ve got it.”

“No, I handed it back to you so that you’d be able to read out the number.”

“Oh yes.”

He looked amazed, at the ball of paper in his hand, then around the counter before bending down and picking up the piece of paper off the floor from where he’d dropped or thrown it and handing it back to me. Tall Andy found his all highly amusing, of course. I don’t think Buffoon Boy’s got a glittering career ahead of him in retail.