A Fresh Start

Sir/Madam,
Your case file has been shown to the essential commissions, and upon careful reflection, we are able to submit to you the consequent opening offer.
Based upon careful reflection you make the grade to acquire a handsome earnings on your initial property investment.
By completing the consequent attached form in a timely manner we will be able […]

I should be working but have, instead, been updating my alter ego pics via the St Andrews University Face Transformer. Hours of fun for all the family.

Well, my jaw’s been reassembled. I arrived bang on time (though why I still bother is beyond me). I’m greeted by name by one of the Cleavage Sisters even though my date isn’t in their system - a nice personal touch. I wonder whether this means I get to come to their Christmas […]

“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Tizzy from the XYZ Dental Practice.”
“Ah, the lovely Tizzy.”
“Em³?”
“Yes.”
“I understand you have to come and see us.”
“Yes, I was missing you. I know I’m due to see you on Saturday but I couldn’t wait that long.”
“I could give you my personal number, then you wouldn’t have to bother Boss Lady at […]

… it’s not a good thing to be right.
It seems I’ve unconsciously unscrewed the temporary cap with my extremely dextrous tongue as the bloody thing’s now fallen out. It seems undamaged (as does the “rawl plug” itself) so my tongue’s dexterity is the only possible explanation.
Eligible ladies may wish to form an orderly […]

My parcels from PhotoBox are here! Woo hoo!!
With hindsight, I think Plink was too low a resolution for the mousemat (although it still looks pretty good to me) but the calendars are absolutely fantastic (even if I say so myself). Not cheap, I know, but fabulous and quick delivery.
[an hour or so later] […]

It’s so easy to make new friends if you have a computer.
Over the next few days I’ll be meeting up to to five (yes, FIVE) new friends thanks to split deliveries from Maplins and PhotoBox and those ever-so-nice people at Hewlett Packard finally getting around to sending a UPS goon to collect the damaged iPaq.
I […]

I’m going to have to try and teach that bloody cat how to tell the time.
When I tell her (at 2 o’clock) that she’ll get her tea at 5 o’clock, I mean 5 o’clock and not ten past two, a quarter past two, twenty past two, twenty five past two …
[17:25] Oops.

Do cats watch T.V.?
No, cats do not watch T.V., …
- Breeder’s Choice

Rubbish!

A few things that can irritate your cat:
• Pulling her tail.
• Squeezing her tightly.
• Grabbing her.
• Dressing her in doll clothes.
Gee, thanks Breeder’s Choice. I was actually researching cats’ ability to parachute after watching a repeat of QI. If you ask me (and woman agrees with me) most of these “facts” are complete […]

I know I may be imagining this (and now that the thought’s occurred to me, shifting it’s going to be nigh on impossible) but the first “rawlplug” suddenly feels “wrong”. Can’t put my finger on what’s wrong - don’t think it’s loose or anything. I hope it’s all in my mind, but may […]

*** scroll down/press (more …) for rule changes ***
We were out last night to celebrate McAndy’s departure from the team … for the second time in twelve months. Tippler, Kirby and I were the last three standing and the conversation turned to interesting topics (What would be your last meal? Was George Best […]

but you’ve got to laugh at the background dialogue.
[via B3TA]

Tall Andy and Nigel returned from interviewing someone to join the team temporarily to help with the workload.
“What would you say were your skills?”, I was asked.
“Well, I think to think of myself as a bit of a stud.”
“…”
“How about Excel, Access, SAS?”
“Oh.“

24th November
Hi
this is an email to find out if we can now close your case
Can you please respond to this email answering the following questions:
1. is your issue resolved?
2. are you completely happy with the service?
3. can we close the case?
Please reply to: tco-uk@hp.com putting Mobile in the subject line.
Thanks in advance
Emma C______
HP Support

Got another call from Tizzy today, ostensibly to confirm the exact time for the fitting of the second rawl plug (but we all know why she really called, don’t we?).
It wasn’t until I’d confirm that High Noon would be fine and went to put this in my diary that I noticed a prior appointment. […]

The North wind doth blow
And we shall have snow
And what shall the Misty do then, poor thing?

It’s all mine!

On this story (where obese patients are being denied surgery unless they lose weight), tonight’s news had a quote from a Suffolk doctor.
“This is the thin end of the wedge”, he declared.
Tee hee.