A Fresh Start

Does anyone ever read these pages? Oh well - you’re here so I suppose you must be interested for some reason.

Rather than give you the “born in 1846, the child of a Hollywood actor and a leading nun” guff, here are a few useful snippets about me.

Well, when I say “useful” …

1. I once played cricket for India U19’s.
2. I’m not Indian.
3. I wasn’t under 19.
4. I’ve played cricket for Harrow NALGO (”The Lemmings”).
5. I’ve never lived or worked in Harrow.
6. I’ve never been a member of NALGO.
7. The building in which I was born became a centre for the, um, mentally challenged.
8. I have been a scout for Brighton & Hove Albion.
9. I used to be a whizz at Space Invaders.
10. I watched the 1982 World Cup instead of sitting my end of year exams.
11. For some reason, I was only in further education for one year.
12. My first computer was a Dragon 32.
13. I own a ridiculous number of URLs for ideas that have yet to become projects.
14. I have short-lived (very, in some cases) obsessions.
15. I don’t like mornings.
16. If I were a famous leader, I’d be Albert Einstein.
17. If I was a film, I’d be Apocalypse Now.
18. My favourite film is ‘Twelve Angry Men’.
19. I studied French and German in Welsh (but Maths in English).
20. The most useful thing I learned in school was how to type.
21. My CD collection includes albums by NWA, Led Zeppelin, Elton John and Geri Halliwell.
22. I don’t believe you should need to make an appointment to see a fortune-teller.
23. Like all Geminis, I don’t believe in astrology.
24. Ineptitude irritates me (as you’ll know from my many rants).
25. I have what many consider to be poor taste - both in clothes and humour.
26. I can’t believe how fat I’ve become - I remember being horrified when I found out I weighed 12 stone - now I’d be delighted to weigh so little.
27. I keep forgetting my age, and rarely act it.
28. My right foot takes a size 7 or 7½, my left a 7½-8.
29. I have a tendency for sarcasm.
30. I invent useful facts and drop them into conversations. I will then embellish them, getting gradually less credible to see how ridiculous I can get before I get rumbled.
31. I am irresistible to women, but this effect is limited to the confines of my imagination.
32. Lonnie Donegan ruled.
33. I should choose my words more carefully - I cause offence where none is often intended.
34. I get annoyed by people who complain about speed cameras - you can’t choose which laws to obey. If you don’t like a law, complain to your MP and campaign for change. It’s called democracy.
35. I worked at a museum, for a charity and - for 5½ days - for a right bunch of cowboys.
36. I was once headhunted for a job that disappeared in a company re-organisation after the ‘interview’.
37. I don’t have a good track record with job interviews - the last one that led to a job was in 1988, and that was for a menial role in a company recruitine en masse! Since then, it’s been a chat over a couple of pints, a chat during a fag break or ‘desktop selection’ (i.e. based on application forms alone).
38. That’s me in the top right hand corner of your screen, in Tenby in (I think) 1964 with my first teddy.
39. Um … this is tough.
40. I give up too easily.
41. I’ve lived in 14 homes since I turned 18 - that’s an average of less than 20 months at any one address. I’m not counting the three times I moved back to my parents’, as this would reduce the average to just over 16 months!
42. I’m too young to be a widower
43. I was due to commentate on a pétanque match live on national TV … but the team didn’t turn up. Probably for the best.